I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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