connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
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thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize