I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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