...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
