Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
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If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
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