the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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