i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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