Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
