K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
