"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
