Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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