she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
