Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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