he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
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Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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