I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
