best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
