Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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