Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
