i just identified you from a description of your pipe
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
