I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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