I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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