I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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