apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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