I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
