when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
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I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
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Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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