I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
