Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
