I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
