shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
