"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
