Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
