I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
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Every concussion has its silver lining
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
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had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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