I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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