i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
