also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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