My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
In America we eat man semen.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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