he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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