Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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