thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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