i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We left an ass print on the piano.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
