you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
