Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
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And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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