a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
