Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
