His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
