Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
