This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
