I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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