So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
