i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Welp...herpes.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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