whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
