Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
