I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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