When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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