I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
