is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
