i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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