look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
did i walk over a car last night?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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