So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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