So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
