so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
