listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
