I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
