Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
