dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
