my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
