I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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