I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i think my mom watched the whole time
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
