I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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