Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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